I was asleep in a bed in the second floor of a house and could see myself as I slumbered. My dreams became troubled and I sensed, I knew, that something nightmarish was about to walk in through the doorway of the room in which I slept. I struggled to wake and in my panic began running in place on my side thinking this might awaken me from this quickly shifting dream state. I awoke. I was actually running on my side in the bed. Relieved I arose, left the room, walked down the hall to the stairs and promptly tripped and tumbled violently down both flights of steps until I came to a terrible crash, facedown at the foot of the steps. And then it suddenly occurred to me, “Hey that didn’t hurt a bit.” And then at that moment I actually did wake up in bed on the second floor running in place on my side.

There is and there is not. Step by step and choice by choice I have walked down this path of life emphasizing or deemphasizing certain beliefs or what I believed to be certain realities. I shaped myself with every book I read or choose not to read, with every activity I embraced and every activity I shunned, and with every chance I took and with every chance I hesitated with and lost. I was knocked off a path I considered neither true nor good and gazed upon a person I no longer knew nor no longer cared about knowing. Why am I here? Why can I do what I can and not what I can’t? I am so very tired of the status quo and have decided upon not deciding. I left what was torturous in its boredom, abuse, and mundane obnoxiousness to explore whatever. What was is no more and I really don’t care what is next. 

I am down the rabbit hole.

Acrylic and Oil on Canvas 30” x 40”

2013